I’m So Glad I Wasn’t A Frosh Leader

A month ago, I wrote a very personal piece about learning how to listen to my limits, particularly in university. Coming to terms with the need to step back and say no to valuable leadership opportunities was a tumultuous journey that took years. In that piece, I used donship as my main example of cutting back. While it was certainly the most difficult role to give up, it was not the only position I spent hours deliberating.

Until this September, I had been involved in Orientation week each year of my undergrad — as a first-year, then a leader, then a don. When applications rolled around this spring, it was hard not to consider applying for at least a leader position. After all, as always, my friends couldn’t wait for the week to come. It seemed like Frosh was everyone’s favourite time — days filled with spirit, laughter, and dancing. And despite having an awful week during my first-year Orientation, I never once considered not applying for leader in second year.

Undoubtedly, I enjoy many parts of Orientation. Commuter Orientation weekend always ranks highly among my best memories of university. Seeing friends and talking to first-years gets me out of bed each morning. However, as a leader, two days into the 6AM wake-ups and cheering, I was ready to hide in a hole. Using my position of Caffiends manager as an excuse, I shirked my leader shifts to escape into the quiet café for frequent breaks. During the parade, I seized on the opportunity to take a first-year back to campus, sneaking away myself. Last year, as a don, my anxiety skyrocketed during Frosh, reaching unprecedented levels of panic.

This year, Orientation applications were released at a particularly difficult time in the term. Caught in the stress of the moment, I decided to not apply for anything. As the week approached, I felt familiar doubts rise, particularly during Commuter Orientation when the pangs of FOMO hit. What was I missing out on? Was I going to be replaced and forgotten?

But to my surprise, as I headed home from campus Friday evening at the end of Orientation, I realized that I couldn’t be happier with my decision. It took me three years to admit, but just as I had been turned off from the noise in first year, Frosh week continues to scare me. I’m constantly overwhelmed by the crowds and yelling. I’m easily exhausted by the rigorous schedule. Within my community, I seem to be in the minority for shying away from Orientation, and that clouded my vision of what I truly enjoyed.

Although I spent as much of my days on campus as possible this week, my time there was spent guilt-free. I stayed in Caffiends, where I was comfortable, and avoided the large crowds that had terrified me in previous years. I operated on my own schedule and being released of responsibility felt wonderful. Although I still spent full days on campus surrounded by a community I love, I was able to do so on my own terms. In finally listening to my needs, I got the exact experience I wanted.