When the Honeymoon Dies
“When you lose a bit of that joy, how do you keep going?”
I got this text from a friend as he found himself drifting out of the honeymoon stage of his serious relationship. It’s hard and confusing to suddenly start noticing the little annoying quirks in a person who had just seemed perfect for you in every way. After the initial rush dies, the rose-coloured glasses come off, which means that you are not going to be happy spending every minute with each other anymore. It means that their faults are suddenly more clear than ever, and their qualities not as groundbreaking as you initially thought. Many relationships end at this point because suddenly, it’s not just about chemistry anymore. It’s about effort, time, and lots of trial and error. And well… That’s not always fun.
The key in transitioning between the honeymoon stage and the comfortable stage is accepting that priorities change and the nature of the relationship changes. It becomes more a matter of overall happiness and comfort as opposed to a constant rush, which means that you absolutely do not have to be in love with every single trait of your partner. After all, no one is perfect.
That is not to say that you don’t have to care about them or that the relationship will no longer be enjoyable, but it won’t always be fun and games. There will be more annoyances to put up with, less time spent together, and fewer bursts of that new love feeling that made everything so magical at the start. But, in my opinion, “love at first sight” is a lot less magical than a love that lasts.
Personally, I prefer the comfortable stage because although your partner is no longer a shiny new toy, they become something even better. They become home. They become an ultimate source of comfort and safety and happiness at the end of every day. Home isn’t exciting, and it can often be dull and routine – although there are always ways to spice things up – but in the end, it’s always there as a constant, steady warmth.
Often, we ruin things by trying to make them last forever. It is not about holding on to the initial rush, but about growing with the progression. In my experience, perfection is something that has been built – guided by effort and growing steadily over time. Learning to embrace the switch in gears is what will make a relationship work, and in doing so, the occasional rushes of that new love feeling will even start to come back.