How I Taught Myself Confidence

When I was in middle school, I hated every part of my appearance. My legs were too big. My acne was awful. I had hair everywhere. For about four years, I wanted to hide every part of my body. This not only prevented me from wearing what I wanted, but also impeded my confidence in every other aspect of my life. I could barely hold a conversation without being self-degrading, which affected all the relationships and people around me.

It was around grade 10 when I finally began to find small ways to shift this crippling perspective of myself. These little reminders and changes in mindset are still things that I practice today. Gradually, they’ve helped me to establish a much more solid sense of self and respect for my body.

1. Take on leadership roles.

I’d always enjoyed being involved, but taking on a leadership role with kids was life-changing. I had a group of 9 year olds who thought that I was someone worth learning from. It was the first time anyone had ever looked up to me, and with their help, I started to see myself in a better light. Even now, I feel much more sure of myself when I am in a leadership position, and this helps me to me to put my best self forward.

2. Accept compliments.

This was not always something that I was able to do, but learning how to take compliments to heart made a great deal of difference. Because so much communication is now recorded on our phones and inboxes, I’ve also found it helpful to save a few particularly meaningful and uplifting comments for a rainy day.

3. Do what it takes to make yourself feel beautiful.

I only wear one piece of make-up regularly: bright, red lipstick. Somewhere along the way, I realized that this was my key to feeling good, strong, and confident. For others, it can be totally different. The important thing is to do it for yourself. If you want to style your hair every morning, get weekly manicures, or spend a little more on that coat, then go for it. Put in as much or as little effort as you want, just so long as you can walk out the door feeling like a boss.

4. Remember that people don’t notice you nearly as much as you think.

When we look at pictures of ourselves, the first thing that we notice is how we look. Everyone does it. In a group photo, our eyes will gravitate immediately towards our face, then we will proceed to make a judgement on the quality of our appearance. The thing is, because everyone is doing this, people don’t actually pay an enormous amount of attention to how everyone else looks. That tiny pimple that was so visible in the mirror actually may not be so visible to outsiders. Often, I catch myself complaining about a minor appearance flaw (i.e. my eyes are swollen, my forehead is red, etc.) only to have others state that they didn’t even notice.

5. “Act the way you want to feel.”

It has been proven that we are capable of tricking our minds into feeling how we want. For example, smiling enhances happiness levels, even if it was a forced or fake smile. Listening to sad music will put us in a more melancholy mood, whereas listening to pump-up songs will motivate action. Despite being tired and running off no sleep, if we act energetic, we truly do become more energetic. The same goes for confidence. Sometimes, the phrase “fake it ‘till you make it” does have a point.